One of those evenings.
I drove for a while,
No destination.
Lights trailing across wet pavement,
Music unassumingly flowing from the stereo.
I don't even know what's playing,
The notes quickly forgotten as soon as they are created and cast forth.
Thinking of someone I know.
A gentle, kind heart.
A beautiful smile, cast in a lovely face.
She doesn't believe these things.
Timid. Kind.
Doesn't see those things in herself.
I am very fortunate to know her.
A good person under an enormous strain.
Consider her a friend.
I wish I could help.
Not my place, though.
Can only lend an ear.
That has to be enough, I guess.
I just want her life to sing,
A lilting melody that removes the approaching shadows under her eyes.
A simple tune that makes all in attendance smile
At the realization of what life can really be.
Less light around me now, less sound.
Just a constant and quiet hum of the engine,
The persistent hum of thoughts I encounter and dissect.
Coffee in one hand, lightly burning my hand through the paper sleeve.
The slick and smooth steering wheel in the other.
I slow down before the next curve on a blackened back road.
I think of him,
A good man who tells me he doesn't know how to talk about himself.
A very honest statement coming from a gentle heart.
I pester him too much about revealing himself,
Only because I know the taste of those bitter things hiding inside.
Separations aren't easy, and all of the persistent little internal unsaids
Can take the kindest and sensitive of us,
Twist and turn our hearts into something unrecognizable that couldn't conceivably still be
Beating and fighting for life.
I wish more people would try and topple the towers of his fortress, that forced cool and calm exterior,
Demolish the fortified gates that block access to that still-beating heart.
He is beautiful, and has thoughts worth listening to.
He doesn't believe that.
Still capable of so much.
He can be a survivor whose heart can one day sing that song
A subtle and moving piece,
Of hidden suns whose light we forget to reach for,
But whose warmth will eventually reach us whether we ask for it or not.
He is worth a life melody that crescendos into a resolution of happy notes.
I can hear the music coming from my stereo.
Fitting song. Turn it up after I finish the last of my now cold coffee.
Light has surrounded me on my drive once more.
No longer driving in such a darkened place.
Other travelers on a busy road surround me.
The sounds of their passing and the soft illumination of city lights feels good.
The light feels good again.
It's not a subtle realization.
Those words hit my guts so hard that it almost hurts a little.
I want to remind both of the beautiful souls on my mind tonight that
Being loved is never too much to ask for.
I need to remind myself too.
The light can feel good again.
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