Autumn's Dance

We were the invincible ones.
We could put anything into our strong bodies, and even more into our hearts.
We were teenagers.
There was always room enough for these things.
Black clad and cigarettes.
Strains of The Cure and Peter Murphy. The Smiths. Edie Brickell and Electric Bonsai.
David Bowie and Prince.
Music that moved and changed me.

Always a limit to push, a parental rule to break.
Our world was one of laughter, of incense burning by black light, of dreams.
There was always room enough for these things.

We were the beautiful ones.
We laughed at each other.
We supported and protected one another.
We grieved and explored our tiny universes together.
We owned the future, and everything we demanded of it was just waiting to be
unraveled in our time.
We were artists, budding songsmiths, and poets.

We were loved.

My best friend and I were the quiet ones.
We were inseparable.
Always watching.
Always tried to be the trustworthy.
Always tried to be the shoulders to cry on.
Always patiently waiting our turns to be the cause of some pretty girl's smiles.

Our leader was a blend of humor, charisma, and artistry under a tangle of
long blond hair.
I loved and adored him.
Was an artist and poet. He sang, played piano, and later on played guitar.
Wrote a couple of songs that changed my life.
I still find them to be tapestries woven of beauty and genius.

Several years later he came to see me perform right before he departed for
a life in another country.
Told me how amazing my music had become. Said my art had transformed into something
unique and special.
And beautiful.

Later that night I spent over an hour telling my wife how much those words meant to me.

These were the times when I first discovered a rich love for
poetry and art.
These were the moments when I learned to play guitar.
Quickly became enraptured by the feel of steel against fingertips.
Quickly learned I would never really play like anyone else.
I kept trying.
Was encouraged to just play the music that was in me.
Had no idea what that meant at the time.

I wonder if there are any answers in this part of my heart that I'm
carving into.

Several moments in my mind.
Get togethers.
Parties with an older crowd.
Always new friends to be made.

Everything was so very new to me,
So filled with mystery.
Dinner at a favorite downtown pizza parlor felt like an exquisite feast
graced with the presence of future kings and queens.
Late nights at our favorite cafe became evenings of endless wonder;
Explorations of the heart and mind over coffee and an endless supply of foccacia and
boursin.

We discussed all manner of topics that I was completely unfamiliar with.
Sometimes I would try and pretend that I knew what we were talking about.
Was never very convincing.
But I learned.
I grew.

I was madly in love with this malcontent band that felt like a family.
I was in love with my life.

A brief romance with a tall, lithe beauty.
Pale face framed in dark hair and eyes that reflected the light in subtle ways I
have rarely seen since.

My white Halloween makeup smeared across her black coat.
Shy smiles and tender moments of touching her heart.
I remember the way soft lamplight illuminated her face.
The way she would brush her hair from her cheek
right before she kissed me.
The way we would dance.
Pearl Jam's first album was our personal soundtrack.

It ended.
She fought very hard to remain friends.
I always respected that.
We became friends later.
The last time I saw her she was still one of the most beautiful creatures I have
ever seen.
something about her kisses always made me shiver.

Every Autumn I think of those times from almost 20 years ago, and where we all are now.
Many victories.
Many changes.
Some tragedies.
I still love every one of those people.

Listen to the music of that time, laugh a little.
These things always make me smile.